Why Grocery Shopping is my Hell

Out of all my adult-y responsibilities, the one which I loathe the most would be grocery shopping. Ugh.

It’s kind of funny though (or ironic) because when I was a kid, I would LOVE to go to the supermarket with my mom or dad. I would hang on the back of the shopping cart, pick out the best goodies like Dunkaroos and colored fruit juices shaped like barrels, and pull out as many coupons from those red coupon machines. It was bliss. I also loved to sneak those little candies that were set out- surprise- that is actually illegal. Moving on.

Now that I’m an adult that’s nearing 30 and a mom to two toddlers, I have realized one and true thing: grocery shopping is my Hell.

There is hardly anything cute or fun about taking a trip to a supermarket with toddlers. Heck, even when I go by myself it’s a struggle! Once again, my faith in society gets lost when I realize how rude people are over a $1.99 CHIPS AHOY sale. It’s also such a daunting process of making a list, actually driving to the store, finding your groceries, checking out, loading up your car, then driving home and unloading it all AND FINALLY putting it away. I’m tired thinking about that.

My late-Grandmother {bless her heart} used to get her groceries delivered to her. She was a genius. Sadly, not every grocery store offers this AMAZING luxury {but uhm, why not? they could make A KILLING. Because I know a lot of tired and overwhelmed mamas that would devour this option.}

Ok. Ok. So getting to my point here. My recent grocery trip inspired me to compile together the reasons why I loathe doing the weekly grocery-thing.

You want to make sure to read to the end so you could score a free grocery shopping checklist that will save you mega-time in the store with your tiny humans.

 

 

The car shopping carts for kids.

Those things are like GOLD and in the rarity that there is one available (and you better pray you can get one), it’s anything but fun to push around a crowded store. But it keeps my kids sane…for the first ten minutes. Soon enough, all hell breaks loose because they’re sitting too close to each-other and a screaming/fighting battle ensues. O, and did I mention how SMALL those car carts are? Can’t plan on buying too much that day or one kid will end up walking beside you so you could fit your Charmin Ultra-Soft in.

It’s not possible to just get in and out.

I ALWAYS vow to myself to buy what’s only on my list….to go straight to what I NEED to get out of there fast. That never works because nine times out of ten, I can’t find what I’m looking for (stop changing your shit around!) or my oldest is begging for cheese at the deli and now I have to wait twenty-minutes for freaking cheese.

The never-ending begging from the tiny people.

Now that my oldest can communicate fairly well, he ALWAYS points out stuff he wants at the grocery store. He will say please..I will say no…he will say please again…and whine and I will cave. I’ve gotten tired of constantly telling him no, so we agreed on “one treat per shopping visit” and that lasts for twenty seconds…until he sees a dog toy soccer ball and wants it. Good lord.

My realization that people are oblivious is mind-numbing.

I can be a real people-person….but if you’ve seen me in a grocery store, then probably not. My anxiety is at an all-time high when I’m food shopping and my kids aren’t the only humans that set it off. PEOPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, you do not need to stand in the middle of the aisle. Also, Alice, can you please let me squeeze in there to grab a box of Kraft? Your five-minute meandering over which flavor of cup o’ noodles you should get is a little overboard.

STUFF ISN’T WHERE IT SHOULD BE.

So this one time, I was on a never-ending quest for sun-dried tomatoes and I looked ALL OVER supermarket land. Much to my dismay, I became impatient and frustrated, and left the store without them. The next time, I was determined to locate those freaking sun-dried tomatoes. I finally did. And they weren’t where {I} assumed they would be at. THEY SHOULD BE NEXT TO THE PASTA SAUCE!

CHECK-OUT HELL.

Most of the time, waiting in the check-out line can be just as worse as battling off my kids from the cookie aisle. There’s about 10 people behind me in line YET only ONE register is open. This is when the tiny people begin to melt-down because, bless their hearts, they don’t understand the concept of time and waiting. Self-checkout has become my BFF.

BAGGER HELL.

Ugh. Ultimate pet-peeve right here. MY CHICKEN DOES NOT GO IN WITH MY VEGGIES. This should just be baggers-101 or something but I KNOW I’m not the only person that feels strongly over this. There’s also a very fine line of putting way too many canned items into ONE plastic bag OR putting one, single box of granola bars into a bag by itself. I don’t get it. Again, self-checkout. BFF.

Arguing with the self-checkout machine.

Ok. I know. I said that the self-checkout and I were BFFs, but only up until the point when it repeatedly tells me to move my item to the bagging area. I DID!! And that’s when I find myself arguing with a self-checkout machine that I know I need a mental time-out.

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Just Eat The Damn Cookie

You guys. It’s been one HELL of a year. One crazy and chaotic-filled year with SO MUCH joy yet of course, there’s been sadness. {because we can’t have a PERFECT year where nothing goes wrong.} Life doesn’t work like that.

Either way, this year is another one to chalk up on the board as “almost complete.” I thought 2016 was nuts but for some reason, life always wants to surprise me and say “hold my beer.”

I’d be perfectly okay with a boring 2018. do you hear me?

 

So here I am. It’s December 12th and Christmas will be in a few short weeks. None of my kid’s presents are wrapped and I didn’t even start shopping for Ricky. I did, however, get a jump on baking cookies and have consumed well over my desired amount for the year. Because even when life is crappy and things aren’t panning out, there’s always a little thing called baking, or food therapy. Cookies make everything better.

I made time to bake those damn cookies and let me tell you, I enjoyed every single one. In previous years {except for last year because I was pregnant} I would limit myself and worry about every darn calorie I was shoveling in my mouth. This year, HELLO, I have no care. At. ALL. I’m not at a my weight goal yet pre-BABIES- who cares. A cookie or five, or ten, won’t kill me.

Did you hear what I said? I’m telling you to eat the damn cookie.

It’s the Holidays. And while that might be a lame reason to over-indulge, so what. Quit over-analyzing those calories and just eat it. You can burn it off tomorrow. Have balance. Life is too short to worry about how much fat you might gain from holiday eating and drinking. If it makes you happy then just do it, please. Again, you can burn it off tomorrow.

It won’t kill you.

Now I’m not saying to devour a whole two-dozen chocolate chip cookies while washing them down with a bottle of wine. Or, you can do that, who am I to say no? Anyway, just do what makes you HAPPY this Holiday season.

And eat the damn cookie.

 

And when your pants don’t fit, that’s what New Year’s resolutions are for.

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The 8 Things Not To Say To A Toddler Mom{by a toddler mom}

toddler [n]:

a young child who has started walking but not fully mastered it, typically between the ages of 1 and 3 years old; a time of great cognitive, emotional and social development.

see also: demon-spawn, terror, emotional basket-case, asshole.

I HAVE A TODDLER and my life may never be the same again. GOOD-BYE are the days of restful sleep, quiet dinner outings, reasonable conversations, clean floors, and a moment of peace. IF YOU ARE rolling your eyes at me already, then I advise you to exit this post now because the rest of it is truth BUT if you are a toddler mom, then you will feel me on this!

I NEEDED TO shed some light on the funnier side of raising a toddler, and what I have heard from people. It’s all in good fun. I love my kiddos and wouldn’t trade ’em for nothing. {well maybe i’d trade them for a day at the spa. no i’m kidding}

So if your an overly tired, stressed out to the max, patience thinning toddler mom {like hello,me} here are some things you are so freaking sick of hearing from other people about your toddler.

 

“OH, IT’S NOT THAT BAD!”

uh-huh. uh-huh…. okay, Susan. Are you dealing with the 89 tantrums a day over simple things such as the having the wrong colored sippy-cup or not being able to smell the color yellow? Are you waking up five times a night because your toddler STILL DOESN’T sleep through the night? Yes, I know that my kid could be setting frogs on fire or in the neighborhood baby gang but telling me “it’s not THAT BAD” is like telling a sleep-deprived new mom that it will “get better”.. which brings me to my next one.

 

“IT WILL GET BETTER SOME-DAY!”

Oh great. I’m glad you are here to tell me that, just like the 20 people before you. You see, hearing that “it will get better some-day” reallly doesn’t help me NOW- because NOW I am overly-tired and thinking of those days when my toddler was a sweet and cuddly newborn that didn’t scream at the top of his lungs then proceed to hit me. And when is ‘some-day’? That phrase is literally so vague. Some-day can mean tomorrow, next week, next year, in five years. I NEED TO KNOW WHEN.

 

“IT’S THE AGE!”

Well, Thank You for confirming this. Now I can be sure that my kid isn’t an a-hole to me just for the fun of it. BUT SERIOUSLY. Why is this even okay to say? I understand that kids go through “phases”… BUT AGAIN, IT DOES NOT HELP MY SITUATION. Because from what I have been hearing, there is a phase for every age until they are 18. SO. Just bite your tongue and don’t mention it. It irks me.

 

“BOYS WILL BE BOYS!”

THIS BOTHERS ME. Just because I have boys doesn’t give them the right to “ACT LIKE A BOY” {some-one tell me what this even means} NO. My kid will act like the well-respected young man that I am trying to raise him as. No pushing. No throwing dirt. No acting like some back-yard hooligan. He will be held accountable for his actions no matter of his damn gender. People that say this, please STOP.

 

“YOU HAVE YOUR HANDS FULL!”

Do you think that I don’t know that? One time I was in the grocery store….with my screaming newborn in a baby carrier and my toddler hollering in the cart because he couldn’t eat “just one” GRAPE and an older-lady looked at me with this look {a look of pity? sarcasm? understanding?} and said the words “oh sweetie, you have your hands full all-right!” I just wanted to break down right there. EVERY-DAY OF MY LIFE I have my hands full! While I can’t say that toddlers make it EASY, they sure don’t make it BORING!

 

“YOU LOOK TIRED!”

Well I look tired because I AM TIRED. I’m not sure, but it might be because I haven’t had a full well-rested night’s worth of sleep in over 2 years. I also haven’t been able to put on make-up in months, style my hair longer than 5 minutes, shower in 3 days and I don’t remember if I brushed my teeth today. #sendhelp

 

“JUST GET A BABY-SITTER FOR A KID-FREE NIGHT!”

Yeah, okay. That is easier said than done. Try being in a different country and not knowing too many people you trust to babysit your kid. No family around. Also, your toddler still wakes up for you at night and is going through some serious separation issues. PLUS, throw in some mom-guilt for being away from your baby and that’s a recipe for never having a date-night. Netflix & chill it is.

And then I had to save my absolute favorite for last…

“JUST WAIT!”

I hear this. Just wait. “3s are way worse. 4s suck, too. and ages 10-18 are no cake-walk.” Jesus. This literally gives us parents no hope for sanity. Like ever. Thanks for the, er, motivation?

With all that being said, raising a toddler IS ACTUALLY FUN! They are imaginative, silly, and beginning to emerge into tiny little people with their own personalities and quirks. They are going through some serious shit, with trying to cope with their feelings and emotions and expressing themselves. It’s hard on them, but it’s hard on us, too. Don’t sell yourself short on your bad days. Go with the flow & know that you’re doing the best job you can with these tiny terrors!

 

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Yes, I’m A Mom. And Yes, It’s All I Post About

I’m a mother, hear me roar. And my social media feed is proof of that.

If you are on my friend’s list, it’s no secret that I post a lot of pictures and status updates about my son. I think I probably post a picture every other day but I know I definitely do at least once a week…and I basically have that right to, because my son is my world and the cutest little minion with blonde hair and blue eyes. (so i’m a little biased.) I love posting things about my son, he is all I really post about…oh and the occasional recipe and sappy quote about being a mom and how much I love my son…. that too. I’m a mom and my facebook feed is living-dying proof of that. From the profile pic to the cover photo to the daily jargon of teething and crankiness, it’s all on display. I spend all my time with my son, from early morning wake-up to 7 pm bedtime, it’s us, 24-7. To trips to the beach, outside in the pool, taking a walk or simply doing an art project or trying a new food, it will be posted. And I have zero shame. I don’t really care if you think I’m annoying; if your non-kid self rolls your eyes every time a picture pops up of my kid scarfing down a helping of green beans, or you think it’s over-kill how much I declare my love for my son. Tough shit. I think your constant posts about how drinking too much beer made you oh so drunk that you couldn’t see straight are lame. Basically, I feel like there’s an option to this, and it’s called the delete button. I’m sorry if you get annoyed at the cute pictures and videos but I have family that lives out of town and this is our way of sharing our son with them. It’s also a cool way to keep the memories together that possibly someday, he will get to see what he was doing on July 5th, 2016. I am a facebook mom and I live up to that.

I’m not cool anymore. All I post about is how awesome this diaper is and how much Dr. Brown’s bottles saved my life. The only selfies I take are photo-bombed by a little guy that just loves to play with mommy’s phone. I don’t take pictures of me and my husband anymore because frankly, I’m too exhausted to even try to look decent in them. My instagram feed is 95% my son- with hashtags such as: #mommasboy #myheart #momlife. I don’t post pictures of date nights (what is that?) or post pictures bar-hopping or vacationing without my son…you won’t find that. Sure, all that would be lovely, except that it’s not my realistic view of being a momma. This life, this mom life, is pretty damn cool. It’s tiring, but cool. And I can’t help but let the world know that- to basically want to shout it from my lungs. To want to show every body I come across that HEY- MY SON IS SO FRIGGEN AWESOME!

So if your like me and share your child’s life every step of the way on social medias, I’m here to tell you to keep it up, momma- because there’s nothing I LOVE more than pictures of cute and cuddly babies and toddlers and pre-schoolers and 5th graders splashing in puddles or taking a snooze on daddy. Keep posting. <3

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On The Days When I Need A Break

On the days when I need a break…give me a hug. Tell me I’m doing the best that I can.


On the days when I need a break from being a mommy…hand me a glass of wine and run me a bubble bath.


On the days when our son is being so bold and I want to rip my hair out….remind me that he won’t stay this little forever.


On the days when the house is a mess and the sink is full of dishes….remind me that some people don’t have that luxury.


On the days when I fight with my husband and get annoyed at him….remind me how bickering is completely healthy in a marriage.


On the days when I feel ugly…remind me that beauty  is way more than skin deep.


On the days when I’m so tired from staying up with a cranky, teething baby…remind me how some women, would give anything to be in that position. And give me coffee.


On the days when I just can’t keep up with the endless laundry…remind me how fortunate I am to have clothes and loved ones to care for.


On the days when I feel like a bad mom…remind me that my little boy is happy.


On the days when I feel like I should be doing something different…remind me that my son is healthy.


On the days when I don’t feel important or appreciated…tell me that I am.

On the days when I blame myself….remind me not to live with regrets.

On the days when I simply feel defeated…lift me up.

On the days when I cry because I’m an emotional basket-case…offer your shoulder.

On the days when I just want to talk things through…listen.

On the days when I’m too exhausted to prepare a nice, healthy dinner…be content with frozen pizza.

On the days when I give you that look when you get home from work….offer a helping hand. And pour me a glass of wine.

On the days when I hate myself for still not losing all the baby weight…tell meI’m beautiful.

On the days when my patience is running paper thin…let me have a moment to myself.

On the days when I feel like I can’t win for losing…tell me that tomorrow is another day.


On the days when I cry because my son is growing up too fast….remind me to give him one more kiss.



These days happen often. It doesn’t make us a bad person, because moments simply don’t defy us. It’s a bad day, not a bad life.

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