It’s lunch-time and my boys are sitting in their high-chairs, munching on the remnants of cut-up PB&J and apple slices.
My youngest begins to slam his sippy-cup up and down on his tray-table, declaring that he wants more food.
I’m in the process of cutting up the rest of the apple when he keeps knocking his cup up and down, up and down. It’s getting louder and now he is screaming.
“Okay, I’ll be right there.” I declare while cutting up the rest of the apple.
I can feel my blood begin to boil.
He is still screaming and now my oldest wants to join in.
I can feel my face getting hot, my heart is racing now.
I try to remember to breathe
deep breaths…. 1…2…3.
That is an example of daily life in my household. I have two toddlers under three years of age, so of course there will be chaos and tantrums. And it’s difficult.
It wasn’t until after my second son was born when I began to experience the rage. It would feel like literally every-thing bothered me. Every-thing annoyed me. The things that used to have my patience and understanding would suddenly make me snap and growl. I felt like a chihuahua; always ready to snap and bite someone’s ankle.
I felt totally and completely awful for snapping and I would have immediate regret– yet, no matter how hard I tried to maintain my rage, it was very hard to control.
What was happening to me?! This was supposed to be the BEST time of my life….but why am I so angry??
I’ve never been such a ragey person before so this was totally not like me. I needed answers and I needed to know how to control it because I was acting (and felt) like a monster. A momster, if you will.
The deal on postpartum rage.
Maybe you are dealing with the very-same angry and rage like I have once experienced and you want to know why this is happening to you.
Postpartum rage is like postpartum depression’s close cousin. If you have postpartum depression, then you will most likely experience the rage that comes along with it.
I want you to know these five things if you are going through postpartum depression.
What does postpartum rage look like?
Postpartum rage can be found in many ways– here are three of my personal examples.
It can be the unexpected outburst. I’m walking the dog and she won’t stop pulling. “stop pulling! can you just stop it?!” The fact that the words did come out of your mouth take you back and you instantly regret it.
It can be the lack of patience. My four-month old won’t go back to sleep; he’s making soft whimpers and stirring. “can you please just go back to sleep?! please stop dropping your binkie!!”
It can be the anger. My husband does something minimal but to me, it’s much more than that. I say some choice words that I soon regret but the damage has already been done.
And then I’m left thinking, “what is wrong with me?”
That is just a glimpse at what my postpartum rage looked like. I felt like I had a ticking time bomb attached to me and at any second, I could explode.
A few ways I’ve managed the rage.
The moment I found out why I was always so angry was the moment I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders; learning that I had postpartum depression was the puzzle piece I had been searching for because remember: postpartum rage is postpartum depression’s close cousin.
Now that I knew why I was feeling this way, I had a better grip on understanding why I felt so angry.
I want to share with you some of the ways I managed my postpartum rage.
- identity what’s making you angry and learn how to prepare yourself for those moments.
- talk to your doctor and express your concerns. you may also be dealing with postpartum depression and you don’t have to go through it alone!
- take much needed breaks and remember that it’s okay to take care of you. I’ve put together a list of some great self-care ideas that you can begin to utilize in your every-day life.
grab your free self-care guide right now.
You are not alone!
I felt so much relief once I learned that, not only was my postpartum rage common, but that I wasn’t the only mom to experience it.
If you’re currently beating yourself up about your postpartum rage, I want you to know that you are not alone in this.
I’m no-where near perfect and I still have my moments, but I feel like I have greatly progressed over the last year and with that being said, I want to tell you that the postpartum rage will not last forever.
You can get past this and fight like the badass mother that you are.
Have you experienced postpartum rage? I want to hear all about it! Shoot me a comment or be a guest writer. <3
a description of postpartum rage can be found here.