To My Wild ONE–Happy Birthday!

My dear friend Emmielley took my little guy’s smash cake photos this weekend and I am in love! 

here are a few….

he DEVOURED that cake!!!

 

 

It’s my BABY’S birthday week– excuse me while I go cry.

17904318_10154508039032671_6766581680100625160_n

Our first time meeting

 

 

 

17951563_10154508040237671_8594724234393343339_n

Close up of that sweet little face…couldn’t be more in love!

 

Seriously, where did the first year go?! It sounds pretty corny but it’s true: kids really DO grow too fast and this time around, I feel like I blinked and my chunky little babe is growing into a toddler!

MAKE IT STOP!!

 

30516687_10155473416457671_379676281492471808_n

 

I’m looking back on all the amazing pictures of my Bubba’s first year of life and man, is it sooo bittersweet. I want him to stay that tiny little boy forever…but I also love watching him grow and learn new things!

 

27971568_10155334403547671_6147712299015078197_n

 

 

29790398_10155459956197671_9038926529615077836_n

 

 

There are a few things that I want to say to my sweet little fiery baby boy…..

here it goes:

Dear Bernard (or Bubba as we mainly call you),

You are ONE!

Welcome to the world of toddler-hood where you will begin to discover even more amazing things & learn so much. You are already the very curious little guy–always searching for a toy to play with or following your big brother around….or pulling the cabinets opened to see what’s inside of them. Yes, you are a very BUSY little boy! You sure keep mommy on her toes! I’m always chasing you around the house and now that your mainly walking, you’re even harder to keep an eye on. But that’s okay. You’re active and healthy and that’s what I need to focus on when you get into EVERYTHING and I feel like ripping my hair out! Haha! But I love you so much. You have taught me SO MUCH this past year about myself and how to be a better person (and a better mother).

You have given my life so much more purpose…I never knew that I needed you until I held you in my arms and stared at your sweet precious face. You complete me. You and your brother fill my heart with so much love that it’s impossible to describe.

You are my soul.

I think of you & your brother as my heart and soul. Your brother…he’s my heart. He made me a momma first…he put real love in my heart…love that I had no idea even existed.

And you are my soul. You gave me life again. You gave me one more reason why I was put on this Earth and that simple reason is: to be your momma.

I love you so much sweet boy and I want to give you the WORLD….but I also know that you will have no problem taking it on! You are destined for AMAZING things…just never stop believing in yourself. Never stop dreaming…never stop striving for what you want in this life and you will go so far.

I’m so blessed, so lucky to be your momma and to be able to watch you grow; to be able to see you learn so much and to discover something new every day. You are discovering this world around you & it’s the most precious thing to witness. It’s also so fun to watch your personality bloom and did I tell you that your funny? You make us laugh all the time! You also have a bit of a temper and you get MAD when momma doesn’t feed you fast enough! You’re just so fun. I love my days with you & I can’t wait to see what this next year of your life will bring!!!

Love you so much precious boy & Happy 1st Birthday<3

 

 

21192131_10154914590352671_1242354485539369824_n19247757_10154698726797671_8712893772090081688_n20637840_10154857639952671_2552922370971591875_n

Sweet Bernie: Your First 6 Months

My life changed dramatically on April 12th, 2017; our second son was born!

Bernard Robert{also known as Bernie, or ‘Bubba’ to your Big Brother} entered the world at 7:20 a.m. weighing a whopping 9 pounds and 3 oz. I still can’t believe how BIG you were(neither could anybody else in the delivery room.) You gave us all quite a scare when you weren’t crying right away. Just like your Big Brother, you got a little bit of meconium in your lungs. The nurse rushed you right over to the other side of the room to clear out your lungs, and my heart sank. Your daddy and I just stared at each other; all I could remember saying was, “why isn’t he CRYING yet?” It must have been 30 seconds (but felt like a lifetime) and we finally heard your sweet, but very LOUD, cry!

They handed you to me, and you immediately calmed down…..that moment will forever be ingrained in my mind and heart.

 

bernieborn

berniebath
after his first bath in the hospital. I can’t handle the chubby cheeks…..

 

Ever since then, you have been giving me a run for my money! They say that not every child is the same and boy is that true with you and your brother. Your personality is beginning to come out and it is so fun to watch….

You are crazy! You make silly noises, babbles, screams…so you are also very loud! I guess you don’t want us to forget that you are here, because Big Bro sometimes tries to steal your thunder. You are also a toughie… bumping your head, crawling into chair corners, taking brother’s toys. You are only 6 months, but you think that you are older, because you try to do more than you can right now. Your name most certainly fits you {meaning hardy/brave/strong as a Bear!}

You are growing! You seem to be doing so much at such a younger age. At six months you are already scooting, rocking back and forth on your hands & knees to TRY to crawl, almost sitting up without assistance, getting your first two teeth, and growing like a weed. You were already wearing 3 month outfits when you were 1 month old. If you keep growing at this rate, I will need to break out the 12 month clothes by the time you are 9 months!

You are sweet! Despite your crazy and wild side, you are a sweet heart. Your bright smile melts my heart! You are very cuddly and make it easy to want to hold all the time. Your giggle is contagious. You LOVE to laugh…and it is easy to make you laugh! You LOVE being silly with your Brother; it’s your favorite thing when he tickles you, or scares you! {you get a big kick out of that}.

You love your Big Brother! You two already have a strong bond, and it’s the sweetest. I can only hope that you two will grow even stronger together. We joke and say that YOU are Beaux’s “Little/’Big’ Brother”. I have a feeling that YOU will protect him through life!

 

a glimpse of you growing and changing these past 6 months….

 

*Here are some things about your first 6 months of life:

-your due date was April 8

-I was only in labor with you for 6 hours

-since you were born bigger, your blood sugar levels had to be monitored before we were able to leave the hospital {everything turned out fine, it was just more annoying then anything}

-nursed like a pro

-swaddling calmed you down

-born with a head full of dark hair {now- it’s thinned out and lighter}

-did NOT want to take a binkie the first few weeks of life! {now, you love your binks}

-hated your swing at first & screamed

-you peed on the photography lady when you got your newborn pictures done

-you peed on mommy, every single day, until you were at least one month old. {yes this will probably embarrass you someday}

-you slept in mommy & daddy’s room until you were 5 months

-it feels like you have been teething forEVER- but, i can finally see them showing.

-mastered crawling

-can hold your own bottle

-went on first vacation to the beach {and slept most of the time while there}

-went on first airplane ride {and slept the whole 8 hour flight}

-swam in a lake with daddy

-you love to be moving.. crawling, in your swing or walker

-eating baby foods: peas,applesauce,sweet potato,banana {sweet potato is your favorite so far}

-sleeping by yourself now, in your own room

-can also soothe yourself to sleep {at night time only}

-cries when momma leaves the room

-smiles big at daddy

-loves taking Big Brother’s toys

-is completely fascinated by your fur-sisters

-always falls asleep in the car

-loves when momma puts you in the Tula

-babbles {and growls} constantly

-hates sitting up {we need to work on that!}

-loves splashing around in the bath tub

-thinks paper is part of a major food group

-got first cold at 6 months old

-you have slept through the night, maybe twice. i am patiently waiting on this {your brother still doesn’t sleep through the night and he’s 2, so, can we try to beat him on this?} 😉

-i will unapologetic say that you love to watch tv – especially Minions

You have given us life, and completed our little family. You are perfect in every way, and I love you a million times over! I can’t wait to see what the next 6 months bring, and I hope it moves a little slower!

We love you to the moon and back!

XOXO

 

 

Tonight I Held You

Tonight was one of those nights in parenting where I wanted to shame myself for making my son independent. (Doesn’t that sound ridiculous?)

For months now, my son has gotten used to putting himself to sleep. He barely even fusses anymore; it’s bedtime story, kisses and I love yous, then I place him in his crib and he soon falls asleep. It’s easy. He has gotten accustomed to feeling safe in his crib and even better for me: he doesn’t need to be held or rocked to go to sleep. Everybody wins.

I was so happy and proud when he reached this amazing milestone. I mean, I listened to people tell me that our son should be doing this, and while I believed it as well, it didn’t really affect me until tonight.

I’m not even sure where this came from but I’ve been becoming emotional lately knowing that Beaux is turning 1 in two months. Honestly, I blinked and we are here. So that is what possibly set off my crazy mama hormones. With that being said, tonight was like every other normal night.

I placed Beaux in his crib, turned on the night time bumblebee, said I Love You one more time, and walked out of his room. He fussed for all of possibly ten seconds, and then nothing. Meanwhile, I walk into the living room and I hear children talking outside. Of course I look out the window, and I see two toddlers running down the sidewalk ahead of their parents. They were laughing and just then my heart shattered. It shattered because those two little boys, whom seem much older than my son but in reality, they may be older by two or three years. Two or three years. Even though Beaux can’t walk yet or much less run, that will be him soon. I felt my stomach churn and I headed for his room. I thought about it before I walked in, yet I did it anyway. Beaux wasn’t sleeping yet. Instead, he was in a different position where I left him; on his back and playing with his blanket. He just looked at me…I could tell he was a little confused, like, why are you back in here, ma?  And then he smiled at me. My heart melted and I scooped him right up. I held him and laid down with him. He placed his head on my chest, the place he never falls asleep anymore, but a short time ago, it was the only place where he could fall asleep. I just held him and cried. I cried because I miss him being itty-bitty and needy. I cried because tonight, I really wanted those few mintues to myself, but then I felt guilty because my son knowing that I love him, is way more important.

So, tonight I held you.

When other parents say that parenthood is bittersweet, I surely discovered that feeling tonight. I want Beaux to grow. I want him to learn, explore, be independent. I love seeing how he’s changing and getting smarter every day, but it stings. I know he will still need me for quite some time, but my heart breaks thinking about the day when he’s all grown and old enough to take care of himself. I always knew my son would need me, but I never knew how much I would need my son.

On The Days When I Need A Break

On the days when I need a break…give me a hug. Tell me I’m doing the best that I can.


On the days when I need a break from being a mommy…hand me a glass of wine and run me a bubble bath.


On the days when our son is being so bold and I want to rip my hair out….remind me that he won’t stay this little forever.


On the days when the house is a mess and the sink is full of dishes….remind me that some people don’t have that luxury.


On the days when I fight with my husband and get annoyed at him….remind me how bickering is completely healthy in a marriage.


On the days when I feel ugly…remind me that beauty  is way more than skin deep.


On the days when I’m so tired from staying up with a cranky, teething baby…remind me how some women, would give anything to be in that position. And give me coffee.


On the days when I just can’t keep up with the endless laundry…remind me how fortunate I am to have clothes and loved ones to care for.


On the days when I feel like a bad mom…remind me that my little boy is happy.


On the days when I feel like I should be doing something different…remind me that my son is healthy.


On the days when I don’t feel important or appreciated…tell me that I am.

On the days when I blame myself….remind me not to live with regrets.

On the days when I simply feel defeated…lift me up.

On the days when I cry because I’m an emotional basket-case…offer your shoulder.

On the days when I just want to talk things through…listen.

On the days when I’m too exhausted to prepare a nice, healthy dinner…be content with frozen pizza.

On the days when I give you that look when you get home from work….offer a helping hand. And pour me a glass of wine.

On the days when I hate myself for still not losing all the baby weight…tell meI’m beautiful.

On the days when my patience is running paper thin…let me have a moment to myself.

On the days when I feel like I can’t win for losing…tell me that tomorrow is another day.


On the days when I cry because my son is growing up too fast….remind me to give him one more kiss.



These days happen often. It doesn’t make us a bad person, because moments simply don’t defy us. It’s a bad day, not a bad life.