The Day I Wrote My Suicide Letter

*DISCLAIMER: SUICIDE TRIGGER WARNING

 

It’s been a terrible couple of months and I’m finally ready to do it. I’m finally ready to leave this world behind. I’m not sure how I’m going to do it yet, but all I know is that I’m ready. I don’t even know if I’ll be missed, sure, maybe for a few months. People will probably cry when they find out what I did, cry at my funeral, cry for the first couple of weeks, but then it will stop. Pretty soon, I will become a distant memory. People forget. They can only grieve your loss for so long before they move on. And so they will move on. Eventually, every-one will get over it.

What will I be remembered by? Well, hopefully, people will think that I was a good mother; a mother that loved her boys with every fiber of her being…a mother that gushed love and compassion and was caring. Will I be remembered as a good person? I would hope so. I know that there will be a lot of people that will say otherwise. I would hope that there is someone out there, somewhere, that I have made an impression on. I’m not sure though. I know that I’ve made some friends but I’ve also made some enemies.

Will my husband cry? How will he react? I’m sure he will  be distraught because chances are, he will find me. It will ruin him and he will probably hate me. For a while, at least. I just hope that one day, he can forgive me for what I’ve done and see that my pain was too much to handle. I hope he can realize that this wasn’t some selfish act, but a way to escape from all of the pain…and all the horrible thoughts. I hope he can realize that I loved him so much that I had to do this. I was becoming too much of a burden for him and he deserves to be with someone better. Someone happy. Someone not so depressed. Someone that could love him and treat him the way he deserves. He will continue to be the best father to our boys and hopefully he will keep my memory alive. Will he remarry? I would actually hope that he would. I wouldn’t want him to be alone for the rest of his life; I would want some type of mother-figure in my boy’s lives. They deserve that. I couldn’t give that to them, so hopefully, someone else will.

What will my boys think? They are too young. They won’t even miss me. I’m sure that my oldest will wonder where I am, but after a few weeks, he will forget. He will stop asking for me. He may see my picture and say “momma”, but pretty soon, I’ll become a distant memory for him, too. Just like everyone else, I’ll be a memory. My kids will grow up without a mom and wonder why I did what I did. Will they blame themselves? I’m sure that they will. I would hope that they wouldn’t. Will they struggle? Can they make it without me? Of course they will. They are better off without such a sad, depressed and angry mother; they don’t deserve that. They need a mom that is together and happy and full of life. They deserve that. They will be fine. There are enough pictures of me around for them to know who I was. I hope their dad will always remind them how much I loved them.

Will my mom miss me? Will she blame herself? How will my family react? They will say things like they can’t believe this happened. They never saw the signs. On the outside, I seemed like a happy women; like I had my life together. I had a blessed life. I was a mother, for Christ’s sake! With 2 healthy, handsome little boys! Why would I do this? I’m sure there will be anger. There will be tears. But people will forget. They will move on.

Pretty soon, I’ll just be a memory. My picture will be hung up then taken down. My obituary will be clipped out then shoved into a shoe box. My birthday will come and go. Some people will cry while others will ask why. My clothes will be donated and that dusty picture frame of me with my family will be replaced with a new picture of some different woman with my family. My kids will grow up and my husband will move on. My mom will die with a broken heart of not being able to save her little girl. My friends will question the signs and wonder if they could have done anything. I will soon become another statistic…. a warning to others.

My life will be over before it truly began. People will comment on how young I was and what a shame, but it won’t last. Pretty soon, people will talk about the next person or the next thing and I’ll be an old topic thrown out like yesterday’s newspaper. It won’t last and therefore, I feel okay doing this.

This is what I’m feeling as I’m about to write my last letter on earth; with tears streaming down my face and my hand trembling. I’m not sure how I got here but I just want it to end. This isn’t what I wanted…this isn’t what I envisioned my life to be like. I can’t handle it anymore. The loss. The pain. The remorse. It can all stop. I want to make it stop. So I will.

Except I won’t.

What if I told you that every single one of those thoughts has crossed my mind a time or two. Yes, I have contemplated suicide and even in my darkest days, planned it out…up to the part on making sure I’d do it so my toddler wouldn’t find me. I even thought of what I would write in my suicide letter; that’s pretty heavy stuff, don’t you think? It’s all true. I’m not here to bullshit you or to lie about my life….to paint some oh-so happy and perfect life. I’m here to talk about the UGLY stuff, the HARD stuff. The truth is, I wanted to die. I was so sick and tired of feeling sad, depressed and broken that I just wanted to leave everything behind. I had the feelings of sadness that just felt like they would never go away. It was terrible. And it was lonely.

I literally thought about EVERY SINGLE THING- yeah, people might miss me, but they would get over it; my boys won’t remember me; my husband will remarry and move on…. I thought of that all. But the truth?

My suicide may not affect everyone that knew me, but it would certainly affect those that LOVED me.

My husband. My boys. My family.

They will all miss me. They will all cry and wonder. They will blame themselves and question life. It will happen. They won’t be fine. They will NEVER get over my loss.

I will be pain free but instead I will be bringing so much more pain to those around me. They may never understand why I did it. They will never get over me.

I have lived through this from both sides; I’ve been so broken that the only form of escape seemed like leaving. I’ve also seen the pain that suicide causes. Both are extremely painful. No side has it worse and no side has it better.

If you have lost someone from suicide and you don’t know how to comprehend what they’ve done, I want you to know that they weren’t being selfish; they were literally fighting a daily battle in their mind and it became too much to handle. Suicide is not the easy way out–it’s a scary and lonely road. The thoughts are frightening. A person that is struggling WILL have every thought (they are better off without me) go through the mind. Over and over. Sometimes, a depressed person may feel like their only option is to just leave.

I’m here to tell my story. There’s a reason why I didn’t go through with it and for whatever reason, I’m so very lucky for that. I want to be around for my boys. I want to see them grow up and prosper. I want to stay by my husband’s side…through the good and the bad. I want to continue to live this life. It’s not always easy and at times it can be painful. But I promise you, it is beautiful and so WORTH IT.

LIFE IS WORTH IT and if you are struggling with depression, postpartum depression or any other form of mental illness, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

 

If you or a someone you know is having a medical or mental health emergency, please call 911 immediately.

Suicide

If you are currently having suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Non-U.S. citizens can visit IASP or Suicide.org to find help in their country.

Postpartum Depression (PPD) or Postpartum Anxiety

If you think you might be suffering from postpartum depression or anxiety, or need some extra support, call womenshealth.gov at 1-800-994-9662. Check out the womenshealth.gov website for more information and resources.

Mental Health Crisis

If you or a loved one is having a mental health crisis, visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), or call the NAMI Help Line at 1-800-950-6264.

5 Things I Want Moms with Postpartum Depression to Know

Motherhood is overwhelming and it can be downright scary when your holding your very own helpless baby for the first time… so for any mama out there that may be going through what I did, here are 5 things I want moms with postpartum depression to know.

When I first became a mother, I had all of the emotions… but I was mainly happy; that little bundle of joy brought me so much happiness I felt like I could explode. It came easy for me(except for breast-feeding)…the late nights that turned into early mornings, the swaddling and the constant demands of motherhood. I had it all together.

And then I had my second son and things felt….different. So different. I didn’t just feel pure happiness this time around. I felt a sadness so deep; I felt more anxious and worrisome. I remember laying up in the hospital bed after he was born and crying because I didn’t want to go home. I wanted to stay right there and continue to let the nurses care for me but mainly….for my baby. You see, I didn’t think that I could do it…take care of a newborn and a toddler…I felt completely overwhelmed. I felt angry. I was depressed. I had postpartum depression.

 

5 Things I Want Moms with Postpartum Depression to Know

 

According to WebMD the early signs of postpartum depression include feeling sad or hopeless. The sooner you seek treatment, the sooner you can feel like yourself again.

The health-care system fails us as mothers due to the fact that after we have our babies, we aren’t given ANY support or therapy towards postpartum depression. It’s not even really talked about. It’s like…..here’s your new baby, good luck! There are so many emotions coursing through our veins and often more times than not, we feel embarrassed or shamed for these feelings.

Here are 5 things that I would like to tell other moms that may be experiencing postpartum depression.

1. Having postpartum depression doesn’t make you a bad mom. This was my first  thought in the beginning and I’m telling you right now, you need to dismiss that from your mind pronto. You’re not a bad mom if you don’t want to make a craft with your kid. You’re not a bad mom if all you can manage to do on a daily basis is feed and bathe your child. And you’re not a bad mom if you feel sad and if your baby doesn’t bring you complete joy. You’re not a bad mom.

2. Having postpartum depression doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby. You can have postpartum depression and love your baby, even if right at this moment you feel indifferent. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay. I also want to tell you that if you ever have thoughts about harming your baby, that’s not okay so PLEASE seek help if it’s getting to that point.

 

5 Things I Want Moms with Postpartum Depression to Know

 

3. Reach out to someone. I assure you, there is ALWAYS someone out there that understands what your going through so reach out to them whenever you need to; you don’t have to go through this alone. There are also crisis hotlines (listed at the end of this post) that are always available to you.

 

4. It will get worse before it gets better. I won’t sugar coat it…things normally get worse before they get better. I had a pretty low “low” with my PPD where I felt like things were never going to get better and my life would be in a constant fog. I want to tell you that it DOES get better…it won’t happen over night or maybe even a month from now, but there’s hope. There is a rainbow after the storm.

 

5. You have purpose. You were put on this Earth for a reason. Right now, you may feel like you don’t matter but I want to tell you that you do. You’re in the trenches of motherhood and you feel overwhelmed and broken but trust me, you have purpose. You are a warrior, a fighter, a strong and beautiful women! You have purpose, mama. You will be alright.

 

I wanted to share this with any new moms out there that may be at their lowest right now and to be a voice that says: you’re not alone!

 If you or someone you know may have postpartum depression, please know that there are resources out there.

 

Hotline crisis phone numbers:

Suicide

If you are currently having suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Non-U.S. citizens can visit IASP or Suicide.org to find help in their country.

Postpartum Depression (PPD) or Postpartum Anxiety

If you think you might be suffering from postpartum depression or anxiety, or need some extra support, call womenshealth.gov at 1-800-994-9662. Check out the womenshealth.gov website for more information and resources.

 

 

 

 

15 Things I’ve Learned During My First Year With 2 Kids

My last baby will be turning a whole year-old next month and with that, I would like to reflect on a couple of things.

My boys are 18months apart; so when I found out that I was pregnant with #2 when #1 was just shy of a year old….well, I was kind of scared.

Not scared….more like frightened.

It’s been a bumpy road, my friends; and having “Irish twins” as they call it is certainly not for the faint of heart. However, when it’s all said and done, this past year has been a whirlwind of emotions(happy and sad), filled with joy and laughs. I’ve learned a lot about myself (especially that I’m stronger than I believe) and I’ve been able to function on a lot less sleep than I ever thought possible.

So I wanted to write down some things that I’ve come to learn during this first year of having 2 children.

In case any of of you lovely people are brave enough to venture into it.

 

  1. Going from 1 to 2 kids is a hard adjustment. I heard it before I even got pregnant and I’ll sit here and tell you now: it’s not a lie…adjusting from 1 to 2 kids is really rough. I went through a real emotional period right towards the end of my pregnancy where I felt sad about my oldest not being the only one anymore. It eventually passed but those first couple of weeks adjusting to two little kiddos was hard!
  2. One of them will always need something. In the throws of having a newborn and a toddler, there is a 100% chance that one of them will ALWAYS need something; a midnight feeding, a diaper change, a snack, another feeding, a consoling hug because they are frustrated…SOMETHING.
  3. Poop. Poop every-where. Twice the diaper-duty and twice the amount of poopy diapers. Thankfully, one is potty-trained but it was a real shit show in the beginning. (no pun-intended)
  4. They will never be happy at the same time. My boys are like yin & yang; when one has a good day and is happy, the other has to balance it all out by being pissed off at the world.
  5. They will keep passing colds to one another for pretty much the whole winter. It’s almost a fact that when child catches a cold, it will be spread to the other one. And it will just keep happening until it’s eventually spring-time. Runny noses. Forever.
  6. Hand-me downs are the BEST thing since sliced bread. The best thing about having 2 boys is the fact that my youngest gets to wear all of his big brother’s clothes. ($$$ saved) Let’s face it though; even if I had a girl she would be rocking baseball onesies and dinosaur pants.
  7. Leaving the house to go ANYWHERE will take twice as long. Forever late.
  8. The house will NEVER be clean. When you clean up one child’s mess, there will most likely be a mess from the other child. Embrace it. You have 2 kids now so people sort of get that your house will be a crap show.
  9. They will never sleep at the same time. It will take MONTHS before both of them get their naps in sync and even then, one of them is always bound to wake up earlier than the other.
  10. You will never be caught up on laundry. For some reason, adding an extra kid to the mix means 20x the amount of dirty laundry. You will never get it all done. Laundry. Forever.
  11. You’ll find yourself a lot more “chill” the second time around. Oh, you fell down? Get up, you’re okay. You bumped your head? You’re fine. Food fell on the floor? Just eat it. Way way wayyyy more laid-back with the second baby.
  12.  You’ll find yourself taking less baby pictures of your newborn. I’m so guilty of this….but I just didn’t take *as many* baby pics of my 2nd as I did with my 1st. (Now I know why my parents have more pictures of my older sister than of me). When your juggling two kiddos, life is chaotic! Granted, I still have a lot of him but looking back at his first year, I really wish I took more.
  13. Those car grocery shopping carts at the store are life. And when there’s one available, you know it’s going to be a good day.
  14. The first year (the 2nd time around) it will literally fly by. So enjoy it! Embrace the crazy. It won’t last long.
  15. I’ve learned that my hands are full….but my heart is fuller. There will always be enough love, enough kisses and enough hugs for my 2 boys.

<3

This was fun but…can I hand in my mom card now?

I’m going to be very honest in this post & let it all out.

I’m failing as a mom. There, I said it.

This week has left me broken. I’m at the end of my rope & I don’t know what to do. My boys, whom I love dearly, are leaving me burnt out. My toddler, who is a very sweet & kind soul, is leaving me doubting whether or not I’m doing this mom-thing the right way. I feel like I’ve lost my way with him. I don’t know how to handle his tantrums, his outbursts, or his demands. I feel so annoyed at every little thing he does and jeez…doesn’t that make me sound terrible? But I’m being completely honest right now so pardon me because I don’t believe that there’s ANY parent out there that doesn’t get slightly annoyed or frustrated at their children from time to time. And if you tell me otherwise, well quit blowing smoke up my butt. Anyway, my toddler…. he’s a lovable child but he’s grown insanely jealous lately. He will rip toys away from his baby brother and go up to him and pull his hair for no reason. He will scream when he doesn’t get his way. Yes, these are all toddler-like behaviors but good lordy I was not prepared for it. And he doesn’t sleep. I dread the night-time routine because it feels like a literal torture-sentence having to deal with his little routine quirks – (he needs fresh toothpaste applied to his toothbrush twice and needs two books read…then he needs this night light on…. and this pillow here..now he doesn’t want THAT pillow, he wants the other one…. but wait..he doesn’t want this blanket on but now he does….) And then it takes negotiating and reassurance for me to be able to leave his room so he can go to sleep. Most nights, he will scream and lately I’ve found that Ricky coming up to calm him down really works. And he doesn’t sleep through the night anymore. He wakes up and finds his way into our bed… which is nice until he’s laying on top of me and my legs are numb so I move him over but he wakes up and screams for me to lay a certain way. It’s all very exhausting. He’s extremely needy for me and while it may sound like that’s not such a bad thing, I have to say that a person has their limit on how much they can be touched/climbed on/hanged on during the day. You can say that I’m lucky or blessed or maybe say that I’m ungrateful…and I can’t deny any of that. It’s just hard for me right now and very draining.

There have been days, especially this week, where I’ve lost my patience way too quick; where my voice was raised a little too loud; where I’ve needed to walk away because it was just too much. These days get to me….because at the end of the day, I’m sitting on the couch, kids in bed, and thinking to myself: thank god we just all survived today. we just made it through this day. And I know, oh do I know, that I was just barely skimming the surface at being a mom today. That I met just the minimum requirements of being emotionally there for my kids. I half-assed it. I kept the kids alive & that was it…but it was a freaking marathon. I absolutely believe that my boys deserve the world, and then some, yet every-day, I feel like I’m failing them.

For me, being there is just simply not enough. I want to give them everything I have and the whole nine-yards but most days, I’m just exhausted. And I’m not talking about physically exhausted because obviously two small kids will drain a person; I’m talking about emotionally & mentally exhausted. I’m suffering from PPD and every day is a literal struggle. I struggle to get out of bed every morning. I struggle to make my kids meals. I struggle to get outside to play with them or go on a walk. I struggle to sit on the floor with them & play. I struggle with finding the every-day joys of life. It’s really hard. It sucks. It isn’t fair….but it’s what I have to deal with. I’m struggling with depression & yes, my kids are very much getting the brunt of it. It’s totally not fair to them. Yes, they deserve a mom that is perky, enthused and patient. My husband also deserves a wife that is those things as well. I live with this every-day and the guilt is gut-wrenching. It’s a never-ending turmoil & I feel like I’ll never be better…be good enough.

I completely believe that my depression affects my kids but especially Beaux. I believe that he can sense my feelings and perhaps that plays a big impact on his own emotions/why he acts out. And I have no idea how to make it better. I’m taking the medication, I’m going to the therapist. I have my good days and I have my bad days. I was on the up & up for a while there, but in recent weeks, I’ve been battling the depression HARD. It’s funny because it just doesn’t go away….even on my best days, my depression is peeking around the corner at me, reminding me that life can never be too good.

I love being a mom and I can’t stress it enough how much I love my boys. But it’s hard. SO SO SO OOOOOO hard. I don’t have a village. I live in another country, 1,000+ miles away from any family. I have a handful of friends here that are very helpful & supportive, but I have a huge problem with asking for help when I need it the most (and feeling guilty for throwing my kids onto other people.) Being a mom was so much easier after my first was born. Sure, there were many sleepless nights and breastfeeding woes, but it was just….easy. I could bask in newborn cuddles all day long. I could dress him in the cutest, matching baby clothes and take pictures of him all day long. It was easy. And I thought (at the time) that it was hard. I LOVED being a mother back then. I felt like I gave my 110% every single day. Why is it so hard for me now?

Will it get easier?

Many tell me yes yet, many tell me no. I guess that’s just the life of being a parent.

 

I wouldn’t trade my life with anyone. I know how fortunate I am. I have many things to be happy for. This was a hard week, as I’m sure you can understand. We all feel defeated from time to time and believe that it will never get better. Here’s to hoping that tomorrow is better & sunnier.

Stay happy, my friends. <3

The Stigma…I’m Going to Talk About It

I’ve been suffering in silence for a while now. The struggle has been hard. It’s taken it’s toll on not only me, but my relationships. It has affected me as a mother and as a wife.  I struggled in silence for many reasons. The number one reason that I took so long to talk about this and to get help is that postpartum depression is such a stigma in our society. Let’s face it……mental illness IS a stigma in our society. Nobody wants to talk about it and nobody wants to deal with it. You may know someone that has a mental illness, or maybe you have a mental illness. The truth is this: someone you know or love is going through a dark time right now and you may not have a clue that it’s going on. It’s so easy to hide behind a mental illness, especially depression; to pretend like everything is fine. It’s incredibly easy to plaster a big smile on your face and laugh along with someone.  You can’t see a mental illness clearly like you can see someone with a physical illness but let me tell you, it’s there. And it needs to be talked about. So let’s talk about mental illness. Right now.

I was incredibly scared to admit that I was under a dark depression. I knew that I was suffering from PPD, but I didn’t want to admit it. I figured, hey, this will go away, I will be fine. I’m a mom and I just have to deal with this. People get depressed, people get sad. People get over it. The truth was, I wasn’t feeling better. I wasn’t fine on my own. I pushed my feelings away and kept going through every-day….just going through the motions. I was literally like a robot; taking care of my boys, making sure they were healthy and happy; taking care of my husband, making dinners, cleaning, feeding the cat and dog, doing the grocery shopping. I would go through these motions like a robot. I was on auto-pilot. I just wanted to get from point A to point B and that was it. I found no joy in every-day life. I would look forward to one thing every day: laying in my bed at night and sleeping. Every morning was a struggle for me to get out of bed and do it all over again. I can’t tell you how many times that I wanted to be selfish and stay in my bed all day long and sleep. But you can’t do that when your a mom….little lives depend on you. So, I pushed through. It was Hell. Even, and yes even MY OWN CHILDREN weren’t making me happy. I felt like the world’s worst mother! I felt like something was incredibly wrong with me. Yes. I do love my children and I never felt inadequate to care for them, but simple things that I used to enjoy doing like reading books and playing outside….I didn’t want to do. This was the worst feeling I could imagine because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t feel “normal”. I so desperately wanted to feel the way I used too, yet, I didn’t know how. My days would blur together. I would be in this fog of never-ending loneliness and sadness. It’s ironic to say, but I felt SO lonely yet, I was (literally) never alone.

Pretty soon, I wasn’t just feeling depressed, I became angry. I would snap over the smallest things. Every little problem would really agitate me, send me over the edge. I had no idea why I was being so angry but little did I know, this was a side affect of the depression. My depression was manifesting into not just lonely and sad feelings, but real anger. Now…I really thought something was wrong with me. I felt crazy. I wondered what kind of switch went off in my brain to make me feel so different. I wondered even more if I could ever be “normal” again. (what IS normal. I forgot what that feels like) This made me even more afraid to reach out, to ask for help, because what if something really was wrong with me! I don’t know, but when your going through this, you literally think of all the worst scenarios possible….like, I didn’t want to look like a bad mom. I didn’t want people to know that I had postpartum depression. She must be weak. She can’t handle the simple tasks of taking care of her kids and being a stay at home mom(in all reality– if you are a stay at home mom you KNOW that it is anything but SIMPLE…) She probably doesn’t love her kids! THOSE were the thoughts that reeled around in my head. Being a mom is what I am, it’s what I live for and some days, I feel like it’s literally what defines me….so how I’m portrayed as a mom is really important to me. I know I’m not the world’s perfect mom…no such thing…but I never want someone to assume that I’m a bad mom or that I don’t love my boys. I felt like if I admitted to having depression and being unhappy, then I would be admitting to not loving my boys or my husband.

I won’t go any further and say that if you feel like what I just described, PLEASE KNOW that is very much not the case.  You can have postpartum depression and be a good and loving mom. I was incredibly SCARED to come out with my postpartum depression, in fear of judgement and other things….so I did what I do best when I don’t know what to do: I wrote it all down. I wrote what my PPD has felt like; all of my raw feelings of guilt and sadness. I needed to make sense of it. I needed the people that I love to make sense of it. I wrote this article and did a crazy thing and I submitted it to ScaryMommy.   I guess that Lisa, the associate editor, liked it enough for it to be published. I felt awed that my story would be out there for other women, like me, going through this awful experience of postpartum depression. I NEEDED to get my story out but mainly- I NEEDED other moms to know one simple thing: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

My article featured on ScaryMommy

After this was published, I let my husband read it. Ricky has been very VERY supportive through this whole experience. …I can’t begin to tell you how hard of a road this has been for us. He tries as hard as possible to understand and be here for me during this dark time. Having him read the article, I think, let him put my depression in perspective and helped him understand what I was actually going through.

One amazing thing that came out of writing that article was being reassured this: I was not alone! Not only did I have tons of amazing comments from readers, but moms that I knew had reached out to tell me THANK YOU for writing that.

I talked about the stigma and I STILL talk about it. Since I wrote that article two months ago, I have reached out (with much help from Ricky) and have gotten help. While I am not 100% better (there are still rough days!!) I am starting to feel more like myself. It isn’t easy, though. Trying to find myself again comes at a price of really dealing with issues that could so easily be swept under the rug. I’m tired of sweeping..I need to deal. We ALL need to deal with mental illness. It shouldn’t be this dirty secret that nobody wants to talk about. It’s a REAL problem in our society and until it gets looked at like other diseases, then people will never take it seriously.

Nobody should suffer in silence. If you or someone you know may be depressed or have another type of mental illness, PLEASE reach out. There is ALWAYS someone out there that understands. I understand. You don’t have to feel like you’re the only one against this terrible disease. I promise you, you are not.

 

I included crisis phone numbers below.

Reach out to someone and say a kind word. It just may be the thing that saves their life.

SUICIDE—If you are currently having suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Non-U.S. citizens can visit IASP or Suicide.org to find help in their country.

POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION OR ANXIETY– If you think you might be suffering from postpartum depression or anxiety, or need some extra support, call womenshealth.gov at 1-800-994-9662. Check out the womenshealth.gov website for more information and resources.

MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS– If you or a loved one is having a mental health crisis, visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), or call the NAMI Help Line at 1-800-950-6264.