Why So Angry? The Deal on Postpartum Rage and it’s Link to PPD

It’s lunch-time and my boys are sitting in their high-chairs, munching on the remnants of cut-up PB&J and apple slices.

My youngest begins to slam his sippy-cup up and down on his tray-table, declaring that he wants more food.

I’m in the process of cutting up the rest of the apple when he keeps knocking his cup up and down, up and down. It’s getting louder and now he is screaming.

“Okay, I’ll be right there.” I declare while cutting up the rest of the apple.

I can feel my blood begin to boil.

He is still screaming and now my oldest wants to join in.

I can feel my face getting hot, my heart is racing now.

“MAAAA-MAAAA!!!”

I try to remember to breathe

deep breaths…. 1…2…3.

 

That is an example of daily life in my household. I have two toddlers under three years of age, so of course there will be chaos and tantrums. And it’s difficult.

It wasn’t until after my second son was born when I began to experience the rage. It would feel like literally every-thing bothered me. Every-thing annoyed me. The things that used to have my patience and understanding would suddenly make me snap and growl. I felt like a chihuahua; always ready to snap and bite someone’s ankle.

I felt totally and completely awful for snapping and I would have immediate regret– yet, no matter how hard I tried to maintain my rage, it was very hard to control.

What was happening to me?! This was supposed to be the BEST time of my life….but why am I so angry??

I’ve never been such a ragey person before so this was totally not like me. I needed answers and I needed to know how to control it because I was acting (and felt) like a monster. A momster, if you will.

 

 

 

 

The deal on postpartum rage.

Maybe you are dealing with the very-same angry and rage like I have once experienced and you want to know why this is happening to you.

Postpartum rage is like postpartum depression’s close cousin. If you have postpartum depression, then you will most likely experience the rage that comes along with it.

 

 

5 thing i want moms with postpartum depression to know

I want you to know these five things if you are going through postpartum depression.

 

 

What does postpartum rage look like?

Postpartum rage can be found in many ways– here are three of my personal examples.

It can be the unexpected outburst. I’m walking the dog and she won’t stop pulling. “stop pulling! can you just stop it?!” The fact that the words did come out of your mouth take you back and you instantly regret it.

It can be the lack of patience. My four-month old won’t go back to sleep; he’s making soft whimpers and stirring. “can you please just go back to sleep?! please stop dropping your binkie!!”

It can be the anger. My husband does something minimal but to me, it’s much more than that. I say some choice words that I soon regret but the damage has already been done.

And then I’m left thinking, “what is wrong with me?”

That is just a glimpse at what my postpartum rage looked like. I felt like I had a ticking time bomb attached to me and at any second, I could explode.

 

A few ways I’ve managed the rage.

The moment I found out why I was always so angry was the moment I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders; learning that I had postpartum depression was the puzzle piece I had been searching for because remember: postpartum rage is postpartum depression’s close cousin.

Now that I knew why I was feeling this way, I had a better grip on understanding why I felt so angry.

 I want to share with you some of the ways I managed my postpartum rage.

  • identity what’s making you angry and learn how to prepare yourself for those moments.
  • talk to your doctor and express your concerns. you may also be dealing with postpartum depression and you don’t have to go through it alone!
  • take much needed breaks and remember that it’s okay to take care of you. I’ve put together a list of some great self-care ideas that you can begin to utilize in your every-day life.

 

 

excuse the mess self care guide ideas

grab your free self-care guide right now.

 

You are not alone!

I felt so much relief once I learned that, not only was my postpartum rage common, but that I wasn’t the only mom to experience it.

Phew.

If you’re currently beating yourself up about your postpartum rage, I want you to know that you are not alone in this.

I’m no-where near perfect and I still have my moments, but I feel like I have greatly progressed over the last year and with that being said, I want to tell you that the postpartum rage will not last forever.

You can get past this and fight like the badass mother that you are.

 

Have you experienced postpartum rage? I want to hear all about it! Shoot me a comment or be a guest writer. <3

 

Resources.

a description of postpartum rage can be found here.

Why Self-Care is Important for Every Mom

It can be something as small as making sure you drink enough water and take your daily medication, to going to your yearly dental exam.

Not sure where to start?

Trust me, mama, I now all about not making enough time for myself. It’s tough when you’re a busy mom! I have two toddlers to chase after…I can barely go to the bathroom alone!

Since I became a mom, I strongly believe now that self-care is important for every mom.

I’m an example of why self-care is important for every mom.

I’ll use myself as a good example of why every mom needs some self-care in her life.

After I became a mom, I stopped taking care of myself. I would feel guilty if I did ANYTHING just for ME. Yes, true! I would consume all of my time and energy into my newborn baby boy…and when I would practice self-care, well, the guilt would be so unbearable that I wouldn’t do anything else for myself months and months later.

This was a CRAZY thought in my head, but– I believed that doing things for MYSELF made me a bad mom.

After my second son was born, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. I would literally be running on E, yet I would STILL be giving my family every last bit of my energy and happiness. That was the ultimate recipe for disaster, and it made me a very moody mama!

I started taking care of myself and I was slowly brought back to life….I began to make MYSELF a priority again!

 

Self-care can be easy.

I will tell you that self-care is easier than you may have imagined, mama.

Are you stuck and need some self-care inspiration? Or, maybe you need that extra nudge to start doing something for yourself.

 

I put together a list of some really great ideas for self-care.

It’s totally free!

Start taking care of yourself and find out why self-care is important for every mom.

After you tried my ideas, please let me know what you think!

 

Is it the Baby Blues or Postpartum Depression?

Hi there, new momma.

You are probably totally over-whelmed at the moment….perhaps you’re reading this right now at 2AM to pass the time away while nursing your new bundle of joy.

Or perhaps you’re awake crying because…well, hormones.

I get that– because I’ve been there.

 

 

I even talk about it on Scary Mommy.

Excuse-the-mess.com
Read my story here

 

After my first son was born, I would sit up at odd hours of the night just crying. My hormones were everywhere; feelings of sadness, loneliness and isolation. I would burst out crying at the most random times and then feel totally normal. This craziness didn’t last too long, thank god, and after about two weeks I felt pretty normal.

So after I gave birth to my second son and those feelings not only didn’t go away but were more intense, I didn’t know what to do.

 

Why was it different this time?

I felt EXTREME feelings of depression, sadness, isolation, GUILT, ANGER, anxiety and a TOTAL lost of interest. It was like a smoke-cloud was put over my head. I was in a fog and I did the bare minimum to make it through the day. Even the SMALLEST task, like getting dressed or making dinner, felt like a marathon.

I thought back to how I felt after my first son was born– all of the crazy emotions and depression– but that was like a family member spending a two-week visit in my house. Here…then gone.

This time, my depression felt like a stranger invading my space, my mind and my body. And this stranger didn’t leave– no matter how much I begged her to.

 

 

Excuse-the-mess.com

 

*I am in no way a doctor, therapist, psychiatrist or rocket scientist. I’m just a regular mom that has dealt with postpartum depression and therefore, I am sharing my own personal experience and diagnosis. If you or someone you love believes they have PPD, please reach out for help and see a doctor immediately.

 

Resources:

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It wasn’t the baby blues.

The months leading up to my postpartum depression diagnosis, I believed that I had the baby blues; and the truth of it was, postpartum depression wasn’t something that I even heard of.  The generation before me, like my grandmother and mom, all referred to these feelings as the baby blues– but there’s actually a huge difference between the two.

The difference between the baby blues and postpartum depression.

*based on my own personal experience.

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Do any of these sound familiar to you?

If you are shaking your head yes and you identify more with the right side than the left, then I have something I want to say to you.

 

My message to you, mama.

If you believe that you’re suffering from postpartum depression, I want to tell you to PLEASE seek out help. I understand all of the feelings that you’re going through but mainly, the guilt. I get that.

I want to tell you to not let your guilt of feeling like a ‘bad mom’ get in the way of you asking for serious help. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to admit that this could probably be postpartum depression.

There are resources out there. There is hope!

Do you know what’s not okay?

It’s not okay to pretend like everything is fine when you feel like crumbling. It’s not okay to put your needs on the back-burner. It’s not okay to deprive your-self of happiness.

It’s smart to ask for help– your family will be forever grateful for it!

 

So mama, I hope this helped you out to distinguish between whether you believe to have the baby blues or postpartum depression.

One more thing to please remember.

Only YOU know how you are really feeling– if it’s been weeks and your feelings are getting worse, it’s not the baby blues. Seek out professional help because the longer you wait, the longer it will be to overcome your PPD. {again, I’ve been there.}

 

Stay strong, mama!

Why Grocery Shopping is my Hell

Out of all my adult-y responsibilities, the one which I loathe the most would be grocery shopping. Ugh.

It’s kind of funny though (or ironic) because when I was a kid, I would LOVE to go to the supermarket with my mom or dad. I would hang on the back of the shopping cart, pick out the best goodies like Dunkaroos and colored fruit juices shaped like barrels, and pull out as many coupons from those red coupon machines. It was bliss. I also loved to sneak those little candies that were set out- surprise- that is actually illegal. Moving on.

Now that I’m an adult that’s nearing 30 and a mom to two toddlers, I have realized one and true thing: grocery shopping is my Hell.

There is hardly anything cute or fun about taking a trip to a supermarket with toddlers. Heck, even when I go by myself it’s a struggle! Once again, my faith in society gets lost when I realize how rude people are over a $1.99 CHIPS AHOY sale. It’s also such a daunting process of making a list, actually driving to the store, finding your groceries, checking out, loading up your car, then driving home and unloading it all AND FINALLY putting it away. I’m tired thinking about that.

My late-Grandmother {bless her heart} used to get her groceries delivered to her. She was a genius. Sadly, not every grocery store offers this AMAZING luxury {but uhm, why not? they could make A KILLING. Because I know a lot of tired and overwhelmed mamas that would devour this option.}

Ok. Ok. So getting to my point here. My recent grocery trip inspired me to compile together the reasons why I loathe doing the weekly grocery-thing.

You want to make sure to read to the end so you could score a free grocery shopping checklist that will save you mega-time in the store with your tiny humans.

 

 

The car shopping carts for kids.

Those things are like GOLD and in the rarity that there is one available (and you better pray you can get one), it’s anything but fun to push around a crowded store. But it keeps my kids sane…for the first ten minutes. Soon enough, all hell breaks loose because they’re sitting too close to each-other and a screaming/fighting battle ensues. O, and did I mention how SMALL those car carts are? Can’t plan on buying too much that day or one kid will end up walking beside you so you could fit your Charmin Ultra-Soft in.

It’s not possible to just get in and out.

I ALWAYS vow to myself to buy what’s only on my list….to go straight to what I NEED to get out of there fast. That never works because nine times out of ten, I can’t find what I’m looking for (stop changing your shit around!) or my oldest is begging for cheese at the deli and now I have to wait twenty-minutes for freaking cheese.

The never-ending begging from the tiny people.

Now that my oldest can communicate fairly well, he ALWAYS points out stuff he wants at the grocery store. He will say please..I will say no…he will say please again…and whine and I will cave. I’ve gotten tired of constantly telling him no, so we agreed on “one treat per shopping visit” and that lasts for twenty seconds…until he sees a dog toy soccer ball and wants it. Good lord.

My realization that people are oblivious is mind-numbing.

I can be a real people-person….but if you’ve seen me in a grocery store, then probably not. My anxiety is at an all-time high when I’m food shopping and my kids aren’t the only humans that set it off. PEOPLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, you do not need to stand in the middle of the aisle. Also, Alice, can you please let me squeeze in there to grab a box of Kraft? Your five-minute meandering over which flavor of cup o’ noodles you should get is a little overboard.

STUFF ISN’T WHERE IT SHOULD BE.

So this one time, I was on a never-ending quest for sun-dried tomatoes and I looked ALL OVER supermarket land. Much to my dismay, I became impatient and frustrated, and left the store without them. The next time, I was determined to locate those freaking sun-dried tomatoes. I finally did. And they weren’t where {I} assumed they would be at. THEY SHOULD BE NEXT TO THE PASTA SAUCE!

CHECK-OUT HELL.

Most of the time, waiting in the check-out line can be just as worse as battling off my kids from the cookie aisle. There’s about 10 people behind me in line YET only ONE register is open. This is when the tiny people begin to melt-down because, bless their hearts, they don’t understand the concept of time and waiting. Self-checkout has become my BFF.

BAGGER HELL.

Ugh. Ultimate pet-peeve right here. MY CHICKEN DOES NOT GO IN WITH MY VEGGIES. This should just be baggers-101 or something but I KNOW I’m not the only person that feels strongly over this. There’s also a very fine line of putting way too many canned items into ONE plastic bag OR putting one, single box of granola bars into a bag by itself. I don’t get it. Again, self-checkout. BFF.

Arguing with the self-checkout machine.

Ok. I know. I said that the self-checkout and I were BFFs, but only up until the point when it repeatedly tells me to move my item to the bagging area. I DID!! And that’s when I find myself arguing with a self-checkout machine that I know I need a mental time-out.

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